He was selfish yet so selfless.

She grabs a cup from the neatly arranged cupboard and pours hot dark coffee in it and walks to the window.

It’s raining outside.

She stands there staring outside. She was never an adventurer, she was an admirer. She would rather stay cuddled up in her bed for 5 days than to go to Taylor Swift’s concert even if she got the tickets for free. She sips her coffee and tugs on a strand of hair that was resting on her shoulder. For the last few months the only world she had known was the one that was visible to her from her window. She was fully aware of the fact that one day she’ll have to walk out of the door and make friends with these creatures called humans who she had not had any encounter with for 4 months now. Of course her Mom and Dad came to visit her but she wouldn’t open the door and they would leave all the food or groceries on her doorsteps that she’d later bring in because she would rather have food brought to her than to go to food herself. She was aware that she can’t live like this forever, hiding from the world, an imperial affliction drilling a hole in her heart with her shoulder burdened by the pressure of the entire emotional trauma that the dramatic and cinematic tragedy brought to her. She always thought something like this only happens in movies.

She suddenly feels a teardrop sliding down her left cheek. She hadn’t realized the tears built up in her eyes because she was too busy looking at the rain.

“No, not again… We have already been through this Jen. No more crying over that selfish shell of a man who just… Who just…”  She whispers to herself,”…disappeared…Just like that.”

She wipes the tear and lets out a sigh, diverting her attention back to the rain. She was never the kind of person who liked rain. She had never played in rain or jumped in a puddle of water not even as a kid. She liked observing it from a distance. She absolutely hated it primarily because it reminded her of him, her childhood best friend. Her best friend since she was 3.

“Well, you can hate it as much as you want but I will always love rain.” He said.

“What’s so special about it? I mean all it does is ruin cities, roads… hair, MAKEUP! It’s a way of destruction…” She replied, frustrated.

“No, Jenna… It’s universe’s way of crying. The universe cries when this pure world gets swamped by the monstrous sins of human beings. When the number of sins exceeds the filth holding capacity of the world, it washes them away through this holy water dripping from the sky…”

She remembered every single word he had said to her. It had been 4 months today but she still saw him standing by the kitchen door trying to hold those little jittering giggles while she was trying to figure out how to make pasta and almost burnt the whole house down.

A smile hits her lips.

4 months and she’s still wearing the ring he gave her on the way back home the last time they met. Little did they know that was the last time they were ever to hold hands.

She bites her bottom lip and looks away from the window. 

She had vivid memory of every moment she had spent with him but there was only one thing, one memory that she wanted to erase from her mind and that was the day when he came back home.

Laying in front of her eyes, his body wrapped in the flag of the country, his friends in uniform surrounding him with their guns up high. Sound of his mother crying at the top of her lungs while she just stood there with her head down unable to comprehend what had happened.

It was raining that day too.

He had promised her that they’ll get married as soon as he’ll come back from war. He broke his promise.

He was selfish that he scarified his life for his country and never cared about her. He was selfish for caring about his own wish more than her dreams. His wish was finally granted and there she stood mourning in disbelief deprived of the one and only person she had ever loved.

HE WAS THE MOST SELFLESS PERSON SHE HAD EVER KNOWN YET STILL SO SELFISH.