Thoughts After My Near Death Experience. (Drowning)

Dear Stranger Who Once Claimed To Love me,

Two days back I almost drowned in the fast rushing water along with half of my family. As two days have passed and my bruised and afflicted body has overcome the state of petrification, vague thoughts have become quite vivid. You know the worst and best part of it was that if I had died I would’ve died trying to save the people I love. I’m proud of myself for being alive and I would’ve been proud if I had died because I would’ve died for “love”.

48 hours after that incident the ruthless rain with thunder storm accompaniment outside my window has forced me to think about you.

It afflicts my tormented soul to think that..

... I would’ve died in the blues and you would’ve stayed alive oblivious of the burns, scars and pain you caused me every single day after you decided to pack your things and depart from my life without giving me any sort of justification. Was I not even worth saying goodbye to?

…I would’ve died without showing you the holes you made in my heart that nothing in the world can refill…

…oh and how my eyes have cried for nights flooding my own room with the memories of your whispers feeding my soul those sweet beautiful lies that my ears longed to hear…

.. how the smell of your body lingering through every corner of my house hits me like a hammer on my naive heart breaking it into thousands and thousands of pieces everytime I gasp for air..

.. how many a days I drowned myself in the shattered pieces of the promises you made and broke without a hint of guilt…

… I would’ve died and you would’ve remained oblivious of the suffering that you caused me…

..  but the truth is that you already know of the suffering you just don’t care. This thought gave me pause or at least a lash of sentimental static that I can’t quite elaborate in words right now.. alive or not either way love would’ve been the death of me…

Anyway the good part is that I made it out alive. You know when I was pulled out of water to the shore gasping out loud resting my body on a huge rock I knew this wasn’t just an ordinary accident. I knew God had given me and my family another chance and an another life.

I don’t know what I’ll do in this second life of mine but I’m pretty sure you don’t belong in this one so I just wrote this to tell you that when I was struggling in the gushing water a part of me drowned and that’s the part that onced longed for you.

Good bye.

 Never going near water ever again.